I have no ideas that will provide you comfort. Recently we tried to get this back but he does not find me attractive although I am slim, fit and look young for my age. A few weeks have now passed and Xmas has come and gone and no kids for me, nothing. My husband of five years, 11years together came home from work, it had been a week since he works away from home and left me, one week before Christmas. all by yourself. He literally got off with everything and got exactly what he wanted. The feeling that if you just change yourself then he will be happy, hell never leave you, and life will be wonderful. We have been married for 4 years and together for 7. The older teen will be an adult in just over a year and I am hoping her role as caregiver does not distract her from studies or delay college. The self centered traits of the narcissistic parent gets worse and they seem not to care if their mask is off in the end ! We have a routine together. Thanks Jersey girl. Please know that help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. You might think she's overreacting at being passed over for a job and she might think you're crazy for over-analyzing that awkward moment at a . I am sorry I implied anything else regarding that. You might want to file a complaint against her to freeze your money before you get that back. Getting in touch with a professional relationship coach is one of the best things you can do in order to start taking care of yourself and living a fulfilling and happy life. He told me in one go that he felt our marriage was over and also that he had been having a thing with another woman for two weeks. To this day I am sure she placed them there knowing I was coming. I finally waited by the locker and he finally came to the locker 4 hours. Any certain? I just dont know if I should let her go and TRY to move on or keep fighting for her. Read more inspiring stories of single moms: At 7 months pregnant, I found messages online to a dozen women, telling them he hated me, wished I was dead. Pray, Give it to God and keep Faith. We are both in our 50s. If they're doing so out of a passion for what they do, for instance, their work can increase their life satisfactioneven improving their satisfaction at home. I am totally devastated. I honestly never thought I would recover but it was a blessing in disguise because now I have my own home and am absolutely loving life. Just have to keep moving forward. He feels I am impossible to please. Thank you for your comment and for visiting the GoodTherapy blog. I know it sounds stupid but I am still so in love with him and so upset Im still hoping he will come back this time. I guess working 2 jobs and taking care of the kids and the house. Im still learning as I grow with Noah. Weve always argued, thats how we get along, but each time someone says Ive had a gutful of this there is an underlying hurt of all the things said when you get back to normality. You just have to get there. Sex left the building and life really took over and the issue of lack of intimacy would come up always from her as to why how come we never have sex anymore and then over more time, and even after attending marriage counselling together it never did get resolved. "I can't win here.". Nothing showed. The only help anyone can offer is it gets better in time. They dont even have to contain a mother or father, they could be aunts, uncles, your step-family or even friends. How can somewhon do that to a spouse that has done nothing other than give them all the love and compassion,loyalty,feelings,and commitment for life. Dick Masterson speaks the TRUTH. She was a successful model, creative director of her own clothing line, a television host, lecturer, and mother of a beautiful baby girl. He would attempt to hide his porn addiction by holing up in the loft in our garage when I was not home. I am livid with her, but at the same time I love her, and would do anything to be able to sort things out and get us back together. there never will be. I did it all. Medical lot are checking daily but there is nothing I can do. I get $700 a month for 3 years and $25g from her 401k. Is he depressed and hating life? Hi Jon I have just seen her going into the guys house that she had the affair with.. She totally cut me off and is seeing other people. Im on a dead end relationship and cant leave because of my kids. God wants HIS values to be lived out, more than our temporary satisfaction and happiness. Im sure they wouldnt like knowing she abandoned her kids. I have decided my happiness is what I need. It makes it easier to reach this point again. Unfortunately he watched a lot of YouTube videos by life coaches etc who say terrible things about the mentally ill, mostly get out while you can advice. They might even join in on helping you through this by giving comfort or simply laughing with you at how messed up your marriage is now. After 27 years of marriage, four kids, two grands, my husband packed up. Samantha is 30 years old, looks 3 years younger. We have always had a strong relationship, but I lost my job and she was just about to start college, I got another job with the government and was doing that while she was in school, yes because of this situation we did get behind finiancally . Love is blind, but Im not so blind any more. I want move out of state or go back to my country but, i also have a little hope that in a few months she will change her mind Part of me wants to just move on and forget that any of this ever happened. I dnt no wat to do. Tha t is my hope and prayer. Your marriage can't be strong and peaceful if your husband is acting like he doesn't care. I think thats why Im just waiting for him to call or come back, like he will realize he made a mistake. emails me talks to me like these things happen. Without her, I would not be here to tell this story., Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. The long and short of my story is that I came home from work last night to find my girlfriend of almost 2 years and 8 months living together with her bags packed and a car outside with her mums friend waiting. While he may have chosen to leave because he felt unhappy, unfulfilled, or whatever else, you mustn't start believing that you're somehow responsible for his choices. Im not a dumb guy, I swear it. Im going to make what might seem a peculiar suggestion, for the sake of those who cannot get over something like this. I found out last year my husband has contemporary narcissistic personality disorder. Well I went deer hunting with our son and had left her at the house with our daughter which was in 7 th grade at the time. This has seemed to stifle his attacks on me for being at fault for his unhappy life. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. We had a solid marriage and two great kids. But I felt like he had used me and that he had only married me to have a life he would otherwise never have had. I come from a family of strong people. I know your heart is broken, but you need to understand that your husband may have left because he was unhappy and wanted something better. She is 49 and lives abroad and never married. Now, I see that dream, it just that, a dream. God bless you. Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is when one of the spouses leaves the marriage without any warning, andusually-without having shown any signs of unhappiness with the relationship. They are fine. Every few weeks. 2005-2023 Psych Central a Red Ventures Company. We have an 18 month old boy as well. Sadly there is no research about depression and suicide in men at this life stage (there's little enough about women). You have to take care. I miss the physical contact which I thought was good. In march my fiancee left after a 4 year relationship after an argument. Just type online discussion forums into any search engine and youll find plenty of forums that can help you get through this. He seems to be always angry at somebody or some thing. From a third person view the situation looks as if a woman knew she was going to make that decision and did not have the courage to tell her husband in person . He stopped saying i love you or acted although it was painful to say. Sadistic. How you feel right now will not be the same as how you feel a month from now. I know how difficult it is and I know how sad it is because I am here too but I am six months out, and the realization that I c could be better off starting to hit me. I was lost. And it would show your wife youre trying still. She strings me along soo damn well She KNOWS I would give ANYTHING for my wife back, my absolute best friend in the entire world, my everything. My wife is 34. In my parents day, they stood together and stayed married, committed right through, the good and the bad, the ups and the downs. She has always suffered from mental health issues and I have been there for her come hell or high water. It is atrocious and inhumane how you have been treated. Although I was half expecting it in the weeks leading up to the night we separated, the impact was greater than anything I have experienced. I want to be his wife and be with him always and he just left. You will meet someone who treats you right and then you will forget all about him. Leave them alone. If he truly loves you and wants this marriage to work he will do what it takes. Instead of moving on and doing whats best for themselves, they take out all their anger and sadness on anyone who will listen to them. People like this need to be shipped to separate country/island where this is acceptable. he left his family for another women who is 25 and pregnant now, she has a daughter that she lost custody of because of drugs and he is now doing drugs. I found out last week that she was in a relationship with another man for several months. Years. it will come . I say the same thing. Ill never ever love again. My youngest is 3 and my older son is 6. Hardly functioning, feeling helpless. I am starting to realize no matter how many of her fav mags I buy her or if I bring her flowers or chocolate cupcakes for treats constantly, she will barely even notice let alone understand how hard it is for me to choke it back and make that kind of effort again. In fact I think I hate him more now than I did then. Really sounds like he is the one that will be missing out, just find yourself again. Why hasnt society caught up with that? She explains its natural to feel guilt, as its the bodys way of making sense of something unfathomable. I just want her back.. My husband left me about 19 years ago we were best friends for some years but when we got married he walked out on me I had broken my leg and was using cruches to get around he left me when I needed him the most I dont know why he left me he never tried to find me to explain hisself or why he did what he did nothing bad happened between us I cant seem to get pass this I think about what he did to me everyday and nite for the past 19 years I have been emotionaly upset over this and dont know what to do i just want answers. Funny thing, I didnt know it! We were happy. College educated with jobs. Look at the research its madness what people are ending marriages for .The problem is you are supposed to be a team function as a team nothing else or anyone else matters . She has quit her job and spends the daytime in our house waiting for the kids to finish school and leaves before I get back (leaving the house a tip). My wife of fifteen years did almost exactly the same thing to me. That she was ok with the progression of things The sudden realization sets in: my husband left me. She should not know what your settlement is.she is waiting for it. Im still in shock over the entire situation.I have our entire life in my posession and dont even know where to begin.Stress has made things even worse. This has to be an affair right? I was unemployed a year after leaving the Army due to a medical retirement. He is trying to get your attention before he completely gives up. I would suggest conseling to him. Dont tell her youre hiring a lawyer, and hire one anyway if you need to. Dont screw yourself. Ive let go, Ive got my life back and cant wait to hear you and others on this site can feel the same way . Let go of the past and move on with your life! Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. My ex husband was in the house until the divorce papers dictated his date of departure . Friday comes and of course, she unplugs the house phone and turns off her cell and refuses to let me see my kids. I was abandoned by my wife of 10 years this last April after I discovered her sexual affairs with several men. Last night after 2 weeks of the cold shoulder and acting distant my bf of 4 years said hes leaving me. He was mean, angry and a totally crazy. I font think Ive ever felt pain like it. I cry all the time. If you have low self-esteem, your man might lose respect for you and feel like he doesnt honor you anymore. I told him that Im willing to take him back despite of what hes done but it looks like he cant stop talking to this person. He is making me take all my things, after 2 years married, 3 together. Because i was not dressed for it and i am not comfortable with my body. I heard the words, She has characteristics of Down syndrome. But then, I saw my daughter with her big marble colored eyes and blonde hair. Maybe once I can accept that then Ill start to move on, at least from crying and feeling like I cant and dont want to even get out of bed. If youre feeling like you want to get over this pain and suffering, the last step you have to take is very important. Been engaged for the last 6 years and my fianc kind of held off getting married for some time. So from experience, I know how emotionally tolling that is on your wife. She recently said she used no protection with this guy which is so unlike her and cant believe she would risk pregnancy and her health she just does not care. Meanwhile he wanted to go out with his friends after work and have few drinks. I dont know how you rip it apart and then walk away like nothings wrong. He did not handle all of it well and went behind my back and hired an attorney, took a large amount of money out of our savings and then a couple months later filed for divorce, all while living with me and our family, going to counseling and being intimate with me. I never wanted any sort of separation or break. And who are the casualties in all this? For his mothers birthday I baked and cooked all night and day. As hard as it might be to hear, there might have been some ongoing issues that had not been dealt with, which is why it might seem unexpected for one partner, but it has been brewing under the surface for a while, says Diana Garcia, a licensed mental health counselor from Weston, Florida. Has anyone given you a chance to tell your side of the story? We both love our children and our siblings and dont want to hurt them more than we already have. I had to get my own account because he kept taking huge amounts of money out of our joint account without even saying anything about it or what it was for. Like Ive said before and still need to remind myself: you dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you. Everyday I just want to die, because I have seen and felt the worst evil I have ever known.. She threatened to kill herself in August in front of our youngest plus in January at her place of work saying she is going to enact her plan sooner. Said she didnt love me and turned to her boss. She said that she is tired of faking it. That stayed off the booze with your love and support then started to lie and drink because theyre bipolar. I cry every night of the pain I feel. Open the door," said my dad. So we come home and a week later she leaves again and stays gone almost two weeks. Hating him will only make it harder for you to move on with your life and put this marriage in the past where it belongs. Just happened? Now, she wont even speak to me as apparently Ive never helped her, or understood her sickness in her eyes. My husband left me after 15 years, and it was purely an ego thing on his part. I understand. Hi Cassie That we can t communicate, you werent there for me, we never had it right, every excuse in the book isnt flying with me. I love him so much and wish things were different, but Ill be strong for my boys they need me much more then my husband ever did. The ability to do what they want and when they want. She baits me along telling me she was weak and it was a mistake and it was my fault for leaving her a mess Wait, you kicked me out. one big reason for her change,A year ago she quit taking antidepressant meds cold turkey and went through menopause at the same time, and it made her change not just mentally, but physically she totally changed her appearance. I took a job overseas to help the financial situation of my home. I pray this is Gods will. Photo, Ondine Corewijn/Stocksy. Because of his looks people often say he's punching or ask him how he pulled me because I am a low profile runway model and I'd say I'm pretty conventionally attractive. That word has been gone for a long time. Reading these comments has made me feel less alone and I want to thank you all for sharing. She has not even called to see how our son is doing and its been 10 days. I asked him why is he doing this and all he can say was that he hasnt been happy. Yes I was pissed beyond belief. It was my amazing family and the true friends I can now count on my fingers who propped me up. Well, he left on an extended work trip overseas a couple weeks later and completely disconnected. I asked if you need a brae thats fine but can we still be a couple she said no, she took her name off the lease fast and I noticed at night I could see she was on messenger most of the night. I have kept in touch with her help her financially and tried my hardest to help the situation between the kids and her all to no avail . But over the course of 13 years it would wear on her to the point that a few months back she finally broke down and told me how much it would hurt her. I have been married just for 8 months and my husband has abandoned the house. I instantly felt fear, anger, and guilt wash over. We had a good but quiet weekend. In doing that it was found that I needed a hysterectomy due to fibroid cyst were filling my uterus to the point that everthing else was pushed into my chest cavity! Ive lost my best friend, majority of custody of my daughter, my family home, my values and my wife. How do I keep my self-esteem high when Im going through this? Its one thing to be emotionally abused its another thing to be financially abused. I left her cause she was a gold digger had 4 affairs and she was a thief . Im sorry for what you are going through Im in the exact same boat Married 17 years too he left this is my husbands 2nd affair Its sickening how a spouse can do this.. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. Its natural to feel that way. They went thru my things and took things my mother gave me, when I finally was able to get what was left of my things they out garbage, household garbage, condoms, sex stuff in my things. Im just saying that forgiving him will help you feel better. I has been left with no rhyme or reason you can read my earlier blog. Then a notable lack of interest. May Han, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Beaverton, Oregon, says their abandonment could be due to a past trauma being activated by something in your relationship but, that may have nothing to do with the current partner.. I didnt need someone to be whole. But I give. He works out of town so at the moment 2 weeks on 1 week home it was his first time to that site and it was coming to the end of the 2 weeks one day he was telling me couldnt wait to come home and see me he missed me so much couldnt live without me, very next day found out he was leaving me for another girl that he works with and was just cold cold cold. He only saw our daughter twice a month.. Then after our son he asks me to come back I go back and hes still trctong her the night I moved back in so the very next morning with my 1 week old baby and my toddler I pack up and move out again. How he just had a change of heart with no care in the world. I would do anything for her and she knows this. He has always been a terrific father. They will never know how grateful I am. Trust Him to emotionally get you through (one set of footprints in the sand means He is carrying you thru this!!!). Big time. We had our time coming our kids are bigger so we only had a couple months ago before they were at the house. I am still here. And I cant get past feeling devastated, crying when Im alone after work until I go to bed. I need me time. Whit from Maine, Hi Im 35 my husband is 42. I realize this only after they no longer appear. What have I done! Does he love her more then me? I tried so hard to choke it all back as I rushed out of there. Say what you will, but there's often quite a bit of truth to jokes. He said it shouldnt be more than 2 hours. Wife Abandonment - My husband suddenly left me. *they need to take some time for themselves Where was I? Meanwhile, I had no idea he was that unhappy and he made a very one sided decision to leave, without any therapy or discussion of reconciling. I will pray for you and just take it one day at a time and get up everyday with a plan I dont know how youre not happy when Ive given you everything in the world I dont think youll ever realize what kind of devastation caused our family. And worst of all, my spirit is broken. She didnt, at 35 she was sneaking off to smoke cigarettes (I was a smoker, she was not, I quit 6 years ago). We have gone through alot in our marriage to include a long custody battle with my ex and having financial trouble years ago, as a result. Days are much better here this time around wasnt nearly as hard. My husband and I have been separated from each other due to deployment. He said he was unhappy for 10 years. After everything promises etc he leaves again. I thought the point of counseling was to speak your mind. Please keep sharing your common senseok, so my wife of 25 years just abandoned me, posioned my boys (18 & 21) and took the dogand my (deceased) mothers piano. She will never understand just how much hurt she had made so many people feel so she could be selfish and live like a teenager ignoring the fact she has kids watching. The truth is that there are probably a million reasons for his or her departure, but the one you choose to believe will set the tone for your perspective, attitude, and experience going forward. Remember you deserve to be happy and there are many other men out there who will treat you right. I was up all night waiting for her and when she got home at 8 am, it really hit the fan. He had a bmw car which I later found out was his gfs carI think all his family know her and are aware that he loves her. We saw your comment and are sorry to hear you are experiencing this difficulty. U keep trying to figure out what happened but he just wont work together andsats he doesnt want me anymore but doesnt say why. Scharnett-King warns this rarely works out. So how does one go on with life and ever feel love again??? Our two children were grown up and no longer living at home having started their own lives which made me feel even less needed or important in my wife life. I see its been a week since you wrote this post.. Is he moving out? He says he takes all bad things & works them for the good of those who believe. My ex mistress got me arrested and the charges were dismissed by he stood by her as if I was wrong the judge agreed with me though I was telling the truth. The takeaway. I am disabled and have unique issues that cause stroke like symptoms and memory issues.